John’s new neighbors celebrated the fourth of July with a back yard bar-b-que. John knew this because the former owners of both his and his neighbor’s houses liked the 4-foot low block walls that surrounded their yards. Trimming his overgrown tree that spilled into his neighbor’s yard, John couldn’t help but observe his neighbor’s party. Everyone was laughing and talking and playing board games on their huge custom made picnic table. No one was overly rowdy, or overly loud or any of those typical adjectives describing a party. They all just seemed to be enjoying each other’s company. A smiling, heavyset young man commanded everyone’s attention…then he caught John’s eye. The young man had started to say something, and then quickly made a joke that had everyone looking as if they shared a secret. Several people glanced over their shoulders at John and the hushed whispers made him uncomfortable.
“Well,” John thought as he put his pruning sheers away, “that was weird.” As long as they learned to park at the street-end of the cul-du sac for their parties, John decided, he’d be satisfied.
The neighbor’s Labor Day party included badminton and croquet contests. The Mrs. introduced herself over the block wall as Stephanie and her husband as Ray. She reached across the fence, offered John a foreign beer, and commented that she almost had her family trained to park down the street. John noted her use of the word family, ‘cause this was a family like none he’d seen before. Upon closer study, Stephanie’s family came in all colors, sizes, ages, shapes and if he wasn’t mistaken…all persuasions. John couldn’t decide whether his new neighbors had the most dissimilar family in existence or if they were the remnants of a hippie commune. It just didn’t seem natural that such a diverse group of people would have anything in common. Hell, at his house--the hair was blonde, the music was Country, the food was meat and the cars were Chevys.
And he hated his relatives.
What could they have in common to bind them so much as to call themselves a family? he wondered. He refused the foreign beer and made an excuse to go into his house so as not to seem like a peeping Tom. Still the lure was too tempting not to peek out his den window at the odd collection next door. He tried to partner some of the women with some of the men, but it seemed that either no one was attached to anyone or each person was attached to everyone.
A young thin pretty blonde woman sat across the table from a tall blonde young man. They talked intimately, smiling and reached across the table to hold hands, while the same woman allowed a dark Islander-looking man to pretend to molest her from behind. At the same time, Ray, pinched the Islander’s backside while Stephanie, feigned jealousy by throwing a badminton birdie at him. A tall red-headed girl seemed the most comfortable with one of the two black girls, sharing what seemed a series of private jokes, until the Islander went over and pretended to molest her. One of the three new mothers looked to be Mexican, but she snuggled, charmed and nursed a red haired baby that had skin the color of snow. A forth woman was pregnant and spoke with an English accent, so it was pretty evident that she was with the only English accented man, but he pretended to molest Stephanie. Strains of a conversation about Hitler between a black haired man and Stephanie was mixed with laughter coming from Ray and a wild-haired Aryan-looking man who wore black and was covered in tattoos.
There were no children over the age of one. Over half of the men had long hair, including the one older man who looked like Jerry Garcia. The women appeared in all types from polished and pampered to earthy and natural. The family clustered, coupled, and parted in ever changing patterns like currents in a meandering stream. John thought it was damn weird.
Stephanie and Ray had several other parties in their back yard. John couldn’t help watching the people. One moment they seemed ordinary then the next minute, there seemed to be an air about them as if they were set apart from the common world. John never once heard them talk about the high price of gas or a pain-in-the-ass boss or what they had for dinner the night before. They didn’t argue and they laughed all together too much. As the October winds blew the sun lower in the sky, their parties moved indoors. John cold tell because no matter how many of the family parked down the street, there were always as many as five cars packed in front of the house.
John and his family hated Halloween. What kind of a holiday was that anyway…ghosts goblins, witches and dead people? It didn’t seem healthy to him. It was just a good excuse to make mischief and cavities. All the noise and bother of children demanding candy just interrupted a good night in front of the TV. So he took wife and his kids over to his mother-in-laws neighborhood and hibernated in her den while the women dealt with the front door.
The day after Halloween, John’s new neighbor’s had trash all over their lawn. Chancellor, the Great Dane from across the street had found the trash can fille with party trash and thought, "Chew toys!" Stephanie and Ray were out for the day. By early afternoon, the wind had tossed black and orange party rubbish in all directions and deposited most of it in John’s yard. He decided to be a good neighbor and end the trash flow before it got worse. He grabbed a couple of new trash bags and started picking up the usually Halloween party fixin’s…crape paper, black gauze, spider webbing, (and no children over the age of one)…paper skeletons…
One paper skeleton had a hole through the middle of its head as if it has been shot with a gun. He noticed that there were holes in other parts of its body too. Then he saw that whether it was a girl skeleton or a boy skeleton…it had been neutered. Weird. As he filled the first bag, he walked toward the row of his neighbor’s trashcans to find a broken shooting arrow. They apparently had used the skeleton as target practice? But practice for what? He tied the new bag and stubbed his toe on something heavy.
Looking down, he found the round mid-section of a sawed-up tree. Upon one side was painted the purple face of Barney the Dinosaur with dozens of marks that had pocked his face and poked out his eyes. Nearby was a broken rusty knife. The decapitated pumpkin-head of a scarecrow was sitting on his old shirt and was tossed with its cousins. Yet upon looking closer, most of the pumpkins were chopped up. The few that were in tack were not traditionally scary faces, but carved images…like bats and spiders and one even had nothing carved in it but the numbers…6-6-6. A shiver ran down John’s length from the top of his blonde head to his cowboy booted foot, back up and down the other.
He’d never seen any kind of Halloween party trash like this was. Black candles with strange markings, broken knifes, and…
His new neighbor’s were Satanists!
Just about that time Stephanie and Ray pulled into the driveway. “Goodness!” Stephanie said getting out of their car quickly. “What happened?”
“Oh…Mrs…um… Chancellor got into your trash and it started blowing all over the place and…I didn’t mean to pry…”
“Of course not, John how nice of you to help! Here, let us finish… What a mess!” She smiled and picked up a thick blood red candle with painted symbols on the sides of it. She caught the expression on John’s face. Holding John with her eyes she said, “Ray? I think our neighbor has some questions for us.” She was smiling.
“Oh, no Stephanie…it’s none of my business what you all do in the privacy of your own home. Really!” John began to back away. Ray took the candle from Stephanie’s had…
”John, it’s not what you think. Look closely…these are comic book character’s symbols. This one is for the X-men. Here’s Superman’s “S”, Wonder Woman’s eagle and Captain Marvel’s bolt of lightning."
"…Okay so Batman’s Bat looks bad.” He continued.
Ray walked over to the pumpkins. “This face on this pumpkin is Calvin from the Sunday funnies, Calvin and Hobbes. I know the sixes look bad, but it’s just a joke. We had a candle decorating and a pumpkin carving party. We gave prizes for the least cliched pumpkins. It’s all just a joke. As for the sharp toys? Half the family knows martial arts and the other half knows archery and axe throwing from a Frontiersman club they belonged to. We love skill and fighting contests." Ray looked at the scarred wood block. "Okay…we sacrificed Barney. That’s looks bad…but everyone was too old for apple bobbing.”
John’s face was somewhat blank. He just wanted to go back in his safe normal house to his safe normal family. “It’s okay, Ray. I don’t need to know…”
“John, please. Our family is made up of an eclectic group of misfits; actors, philosophers, historians, writers and artists. We are pretty harmless, just overly creative and a bit rebellious in our sense of humor. Nothing is very sacred to us…we hope we haven’t offended you.”
“Oh, no. Sure. No! I understand,” John said as he backed his way a few more steps before turning toward his front door.
Stephanie and Ray watched John shake his head, shrug his shoulders and overheard him grumble, “Artists!” They continued to pick up their trash when John turned.
“Can I ask you a question?
“Sure!” answered Stephanie.
If you are all so different, what do you all have in common?
Stephanie smiled at Ray as he answered, “Each other.”
End